Becoming Cynical

I remember when I was in my twenties, I was talking to someone about the purpose in life being making the world a better place. This person told me that by my forties, I would lose my optimism. Well, my forties came and went, and I still believed. 

When I moved to Kona, I got involved in the union. At some point early on, when the HSTA Uniserv at the time (Now politician Mark Nakashima) explained what the convention process was all about - making change - something resonated in me. At the time, No Child Left Behind was beginning to make its ugly presence felt. Over the years, I have sponsored many a resolution or new business item for state convention. The policy statement on high stakes testing was one I am most proud of. I also sponsored an action item that HSTA would not accept any contract offer that tied evaluation to test scores. So much for that. I also had a proposal to reject national standards, which was rejected by the convention. They had no idea what I was talking about, but I had been studying the emergence of the Common Core. Oh well. Win some, lose some. 

This weekend the state convention is being held in Honolulu and I am not there for the first time since 2002 - I think that was my first convention, the year after the strike.

How do I feel about not being there? On the one hand, I'm good. I feel humbled. Life goes on. Other activists persevere and new ones emerge. I don't believe all the work I have done over the years was for nothing. I think I planted seeds and challenged conventional thinking. I contributed to debate. I added to policy. I think my NBIs and resolutions resonated with what was happening in the schools. I tried to voice the concerns of the teachers I represented, not just at convention, but in my role on the Board of Directors. 

On the other hand, as long as I was involved, I staved off cynicism. The belief that I could make a difference kept me involved, and also kept me going as a teacher. Going to state and national convention was a big part of my year. Being chapter president and on the Board of Directors was a big part of my identity. So, on this hand, there is a sense of loss. I miss my union friends, but I also feel a loss of belief. 

I don't believe in the union as being the vehicle for change. I have learned that both the NEA and HSTA are too conservative for me. The HSTA president and executive director signed on to Race to the Top. NEA has been a cheerleader for the Common Core, and Obama/Duncan, even though the current education policies have been even worse than Bush's. Besides providing for due process protections, HSTA's most important role is to secure a contract, but in that process, compromises had to be made. We had to accept this new Educator Evaluation System, but we negotiated a safety net in the Joint Committee. We shall see if that will prove to be effective, or merely a tool to serve the DOE's purposes. 

That paragraph probably reveals a bit of my cynicism and pessimism. However, I want HSTA  to prove me wrong. I will rejoice and admit I was wrong if they can pull off a departure from status quo and make significant changes to the system. I don't know what the convention will call for, and how effective any action will be. But I do wish them well. I do hope they will prove me wrong. I would love to get my union juju back. 

Though I am no longer a believer in the power of the union, I still believe in public education as a pillar of our democracy. I still believe that all children should have a rich, well-rounded education, and opportunities to explore and develop their gifts and talents. They need strong relationships with adults who care about them as individuals. I believe in strengthening weaknesses and building strengths. I believe that making test results the most important thing is detrimental to the system as a whole. I believe the current focus on teacher effectiveness is more hurtful, than helpful. It is a distraction, meant to turn attention away from what is really needed, real true transformation, rather than this corrupt reform going on now, led by billionaires like Gates and supported by current federal policy. 

So you see. I am not cynical. I still believe in making the world a better place. And as long as I believe, I will continue to try. Not necessarily through the union, but through citizen activism. I like what the Bad Ass Teachers Association and the Network for Public Education are doing. I am inspired by Diane Ravitch's leadership. I do think there is hope. But we must awaken. We must not close our minds to the reality of what is happening - a concerted effort to destroy public education. We must realize that the focus on tests is meant to provide data to justify their "reform" and increase demand for their products. We must risk sounding like conspiracy theorists in order to open minds. But always, we must remember the children. 

Even in the pressurized world of high-stakes testing, we must try to practice our values and beliefs about what's good for them, that they deserve a teacher who cares about them, who wants them to know and value their strengths, and not have it defined by a test score. I write this last paragraph as a reminder to myself.

This was the only time I spoke at NEA (San Diego 2009). Can't find any photos from state convention, which was a more typical occurrence. My proposal, to refer to education reform from our point of view as transformation, failed. But big win just to get up the courage to speak in front of thousands of people.