Reasons to be Thankful in my Life as a Teacher

 I am a very fortunate person. I am healthy, I have money in the bank, and a job that will provide me with a pension and health insurance when I retire. I am thankful for deciding 30 years ago, to have my daughter even though I wasn't married. That was the best decision I ever made. I am thankful for a wonderful, supportive family and great friends. 

 But, I had a hard time being thankful for my life as a teacher. Last night at the Thanksgiving dinner table with mostly cousins and my niece, I expressed my frustration in my job and am considering retiring early.  I said, I feel like I'm being pulled in different directions. On the one hand, you want kids to love school. On the other, they have to learn things that are not always fun, especially when the standard is set so high. So there is a balancing act, more like a juggling act, and often the balls get dropped.  I told my dinner table talk story partners, sometimes I feel that I am a terrible teacher, that maybe they would be better off without me. 

The other day, a cousin had a meet and greet with Lt Gov. Shan Tsutsui at their house, and though I wasn't planning to say anything, his empathy for teachers compelled me to express my frustration to him about the new educator evaluation system that we are being tortured with this year.

I guess the frustration is evident, both at this meeting and around the Thanksgiving dinner table.  

I'm trying, trying, trying to combine the spirit of thanksgiving with my life as a teacher. Trying to overcome these dark shadows that seem to follow me everywhere, like PigPen in Peanuts. I belong to the Facebook group, Bad Ass Teachers, and we are angry at what is happening to public education across the nation. I click on articles and memes about the not so pleasant side of the Thanksgiving story and the tragic plight of the Native people everywhere. I'm reminded of the Cat Stevens song from my youth,  "I'm being followed by a moon shadow, moon shadow, moon shadow."

And then it occurred to me. I have a student who makes a lot of noise in the class. Not just the pencil tapping, desk drumming, and put-downs, and not just the denials that he did it, but a constant refrain of, I'm dumb (dume, he spells it), and I'm stupid, and I can't ever do this, I won't ever get this. I had anxiety over using science time for motivation to improve behavior, put effort into classwork, and do homework. I kept threatening that this would happen- that I have to be able to trust that you have self-control in order for you to participate. I didn't want to leave anyone out, but I felt I had to follow through with my threat. On the first day, this challenging student did not get to participate, and at first, he was angry, but at some point,  it kicked in. He was quiet and focused. The next day, he turned in homework. He knew he qualified and all he had to do was maintain his good behavior the rest of the day. And he did! He had a marvelous day. He was shining! He was proud of himself! One student at his table said in her reflection, "I saw ___ show CARE (our school acronym for Cooperation, Acceptance, Responsibility, Enjoyment)  because when I asked him to share, he said yes and boys don't usually share." (sorry, boys, but that's her exact quote.) 

There were still a few who did not get it, that  there was a cause and effect to this, but by the second day of holding them accountable, I think they did. I was agonizing over whether or not to use this science project as motivation, but after reading their reflections, and seeing the results, I have to conclude it was a good thing.

So I am thankful for this student and others who give me reason to believe that I am not a terrible teacher. In fact, because I had the fortitude to hold up a standard of behavior as acceptable, because I had the strength to draw a boundary for them, they had a life experience of responsible acts, caring acts, reaping a positive result. Sometimes it's hard to be the adult, to draw the boundaries that are fair and equitable, and to follow through by being firm. But nothing else will produce that kind of pride that this student had in himself. "Coddling" and "empathy" for a child's anger and sadness will not; giving in to that only reinforces the bad behavior and choices. 

The moonshadow has lifted. I'm thankful that my students came through. Whew.

Coping with the Pressure: Can We Find the Joy Again?

I have been talking to fellow teachers on the verge of tears, and with tears, and with so much frustration, over all the pressure we are going through now.  

For any readers who are not public school teachers in Hawaii, we are "piloting" a new Educator Evaluation System. We agreed to it when we ratified the contract, sans specifics. This version of our evaluation was a way to NOT have all of it based on student test scores, as it is in many states across the country. The NEA policy on teacher evaluation, which calls for "multiple measures,"  supposedly guided the negotiations. We put a lot of faith in our representatives on the Joint Committee, to fight the good fight for us.  But there didn't seem to be a lot of room for compromise. The Race toThe Top agreements, as well as those made in the NCLB waivers, set an immovable stage for the drama that is "multiple measures." Because this is a trial year, it "doesn't count";  whatever evaluation we get as a result of this is not going to be tied to money or an employment sanction.  So, why worry? 

Because it's not about money. We pretty much just want to teach. We want to do our jobs. We want to make a difference in the lives of children. We don't want to jump through endless hoops to satisfy bureaucratic mandates. Teachers express frustration that the time spent on all aspects of the EES is more than the time given to us to do these tasks, especially when you are told to redo your work.  They tell us all the work we're doing on the Student Learning Objectives is good for the school, it's good for us, it's good for the kids. I wonder. There's no way to know for sure. But morale is down, down, down. That's not good for us. And that can't be good for kids. 

At any rate, what I wanted to write about is how to cope and find joy amidst all the madness. Many teachers are retiring earlier than planned and the ones who can't retire are seriously looking at other careers. If you weigh it out, can't retire, want to stay in teaching, what strategies help you to cope? What strategies can get you though THIS year? 

Obviously, there's religion, whatever is your spiritual source of strength. Pray. There is no challenge too great that your faith cannot get you through. Or so they say. I need more than prayer. I need a plan, which I believe comes from a spiritual place as well. My religion has a more activist bent. 

For me, what got me through the NCLB years was fighting it, speaking up against it, believing that activism could change things. I was wrong, it seems. Education is in even more dire straits now than it was in the NCLB days. Now, the stress is on teachers, our evaluation being the pressure point. In the NCLB days it was about your school being branded as a failing school, rather than being branded a failing teacher, as the fear is now. 

You would think that I would be cynical about activism as a way of coping. But I'm not. I guess it's a process thing, a journey thing. The process, the journey, the belief that you can make a difference, gets you through the ordeal. You may not always get the outcome you wanted, but that desired outcome, gives you a vision, and having a vision gives you purpose. 

When I was seriously considering leaving teaching about 8 - 10 years ago, I also became acquainted with the work of Parker Palmer, whose book, Courage to Teach, got me through that hump. When you realize and remember that you are entrusted with these precious beings, your perspective shifts. They are not test scores. They are children. They are young people. You are responsible for the development of their very humanity, conscientious citizens now and for the future.  No, not you alone, but your part is valuable, not to be taken for granted. You also are responsible for your own contribution to the world. Being responsible for my children and myself, and acting on that responsibility, when the powers that be seem to be on a different wavelength, takes courage, hence the title, Courage to Teach. 

Yes, we need to do what we're told. But we have a contract that can protect us. We are being paid the 21 hours more to work on the EES, and there are six hours of prep that can be taken as well, that don't require payback. Anything beyond that must be paid back in time and unless you can get a specific agreement on how and when it will be paid back, don't put in your own time to meet their demands. 

We joyfully put in more than our contracted hours to prepare for lessons that we want to do, that foster great learning experiences. But what causes stress is putting in those extra hours grudgingly, based on mandates that we don't believe are in the best interests of the kids. Since this is a trial year, there needs to be a realistic evaluation of what really works. If you choose to bend over backwards and spend an inordinate amount of time to meet the demands, make sure you document it, so that we know exactly what it takes to make it work. But better, in my opinion, is to allow the contract to protect you. 

The cure for stress is joy. I became a teacher because of my love for children, my belief that it was important work and that I would be good at it. Moments of connection, or engagement, or enlightenment, or attainment, or empathy, or compassion, or creativity, being pono, showing malama  - these are moments we live for. I tell my students - it's like chocolate! You have it in your power to cultivate those chocolate moments. Maximize that, minimize the rest. 

Students Hating School: Is it me?

I know I shouldn't take it personally but how can I not? At parent teacher conference, I heard a couple of times, that he or she hates school. They didn't say anything about hating me, thank goodness, but still, it makes me sad when I hear that one of my students hates school. 

On their exit passes that they do daily (a learning log), no one ever says, I love math, though they do say they love science a LOT. Oh yeah, there is one student who does love math. So I conclude, the problem is math, and it is not easy if you are not on grade level, which very few of them are, even less with the Common Core as the standard. 

I used to hear more positive comments about math when I was teaching a more hands-on curriculum called Investigations. Yes, there were problems with it, having to do with alignment to standards, and how time-consuming some of the investigations were. But the students enjoyed it. They learned to see patterns. They developed conceptual understanding.

 This new Common Core aligned curriculum is definitely not fun. Fun is not the point. The Common Core is the point. What I am learning to do is negotiating with this new curriculum. How much of it should I use? Is it really important to give them 8 problems to do on a mid-unit check, when 4 will do to see if they are getting it? How important is it to answer a question like this: explain how estimating a quotient helps you to place the first digit of the quotient in a division problem?  I try to do a practice session getting them to articulate the idea. It is like pulling teeth. The kids want me to write it so they can copy it. I don't do that. They cannot do it on their own. Does this sound like fun? Not much.

As I'm learning the curriculum, unfortunately, there is collateral damage. I give one of the tests, the kids freak out, generally. It is too dense, too many problems, too confusing. I teach the lessons, they are not kid-friendly, so I have to translate. I have to do a lot of reteaching. I don't even assign the story problems any more because they are too confusing. We do them together, step by step, deconstructing them. But does that sound like fun? Not much. 

How do you make math fun? Is that even possible? Are we resigned to tell them, math is work, and it doesn't have to be fun? It got better when I implemented GLAD strategies. One of the GLAD strategies is learning through chants and songs. So, I have written some songs for math. I had done this in the past, but I feel even more desperate to do it now. I enjoy writing them as opposed to looking up resources that others have written. It fulfills a creative urge in me. My students enjoy it too, and I think it has been helpful. 

I believe that something will be more pleasurable if there is a sense of accomplishment. I want my classroom to be about making individual progress rather than being focused on a standard. That seems so radical, but I think that is one way I'm going to get students to feel and be successful. I, as the teacher, need to know the standard as well as the steps to get there. I need to inculcate in my students the right to feel successful as they progress. If they are not progressing, I need to figure out why. But, phooey the standard as a goal, as the end all and be all. Students are the end all and be all.